“I’m not an admissions officer but a college essay proofreader. Once, I had a student who wrote a page worth of complete, metaphorical bullshit. I could make zero sense of it. In it, he talked about how his fedora was his most prized possession. However, the best sentence was something along these lines: ‘I delight in pondering life’s endless choices, such as whether to indulge in extra guac: Is my palette worthy enough of the delicate mingling of avocado and coriander?'”

“Another time, I had a student who wrote about how adventurous she was and used the time she lit her kitchen on fire as a supporting detail. No, just… no.”


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