“My worst memory with Tori is that last fight when I was drunk and angry. It was the night that I raged against her and the children and I saw the light, the final flicker of the flame go out in her eyes,” he told the Daily Mail in an interview published on Thursday, November 16. “I posted that because I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t know what to do. I had burned everything down yet again.”
On June 17, McDermott’s Instagram post read: “It’s with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and 5 amazing children, that @torispelling and I have decided to go our separate ways and start a new journey of our own. We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time.”
Spelling never publicly commented on the post, but McDermott said she was “traumatized” and the statement caught her “totally caught off guard,” so he deleted the statement. Their kids, Liam, 16, Stella, 15, Hattie, 11, Finn, 10, and Beau, 6, were “particularly devastated” by the news, per McDermott.
“I was literally at my wit’s end. That night, I was drinking, and I was into my pills,” McDermott told the Daily Mail. “After I sent the post, I took some more pills, and I took six or seven Ambien in the hopes that I would not wake up.”
McDermott now knows he “would’ve ruined so many lives” had he died that night, further explaining that it was a cry for help.
“It wasn’t the right way to do it, but it got people’s attention. The people I needed it to. It fell in the ears of people I wanted it to fall into,” he added. “I was so full of shame and it was such a horrible idea. And then my kids were really, really hurt.”
He and Spelling got married in 2006. Us Weekly broke the news in December 2013 that McDermott had cheated, and the downfall of their relationship was chronicled on the 2014 reality series True Tori. They eventually moved past the affair and stayed together.
McDermott admitted that their split earlier this year was due to his alcohol use, noting that he’s currently clean.
“That’s what it led to and that’s what led to the brokenness and to what happened between me and Tori,” he told the Daily Mail in a separate interview published on Wednesday, November 15. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t live that life anymore. I was tired of the anger and the yelling.”
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).